Extended Greetings

Dave and Sue exchanged terrified glances. They were kneeling in the hallway, hands tied behind their backs. They’d opened the door expecting carol singers, only for two burly men to burst in. One of them glared down through his balaclava helmet.

‘Okay,’ he said. ‘Because it’s Christmas, we won’t hurt you. Provided you give us the money.’

‘Sure,’ stammered Dave. ‘I’ve got £30 in my wallet.’

‘Don’t be stupid!’ snapped the man. ‘We know you’ve got thousands!’

‘We do?’ asked Sue.

The second robber pointed at the downstairs toilet.

‘You’ve had this extension built. Two stories, on the side of your house. We’ve seen it going up over the past few months. You must have loads of money.’

‘Errr…,’ said Dave. ‘We did have. Not any more, though.’

‘No,’ said Sue. ‘We spent all our savings. Having this extension built.’

The thieves looked at each other.

‘Wait there,’ said the second one.

They took a few steps away, speaking in whispers. Then they walked slowly back.

‘I don’t suppose,’ said robber number one, ‘you know anyone else round here who’s planning on having an extension?’

‘Sorry?’ said Dave.

‘Well, if they haven’t already built it, they won’t have spent their money. You tell us who, and we’ll go there. Leave you in peace.’

Dave stared up at him.

‘Right,’ he said. ‘There’s number 23.’

‘Dave!’ shouted Sue.

Her husband ignored her.

‘They haven’t even put in the application yet.’

‘Okay!’ said the robber. ‘We’re off. Merry Christmas!’

The two men stomped out, slamming the door behind them.

‘What have you done?’ asked Sue. ‘You’ve sent them to attack somebody else!’

Dave nodded.

‘I know. Except number 23 is the Kendrick’s.’

‘Kendrick? You mean Sergeant Kendrick from the SAS, and his three karate black belt brothers?’

‘Yes,’ said Dave. ‘Merry Christmas!’